Eternal Recurrence: From Tucson to Tocumen
Kuna woman from Panama
One of the things that I value most about the opportunity to do this project, is that now approaching two years, it has become a frame, a window, to view my life and its patterns. I see myself, I am beginning to know myself, my strengths, my weaknesses, what gets me up and keeps me going, what makes me stumble and stop, and what helps me to get back on the road of my life.
I found this video today, looking for another video to post (now that the website is back up!). I didn’t have the opportunity to see this video when it first came out, as I left walking, crossing over the border into Mexico when it was released.
Again, I am in the same place, but in a different location, now in Panama City, getting ready and gearing up to cross the Darien Gap, perhaps the most difficult border yet, and perhaps not difficult at all as I have yet to try. And the story is the same. I am in a comfortable location in Panama City, a city that I quite enjoy, and when I look towards the next step, it “looks like” from what others tell me, not a fun place to go.
Over 100 miles of roadless dense jungle, from Yavisa, Panama, to HWY 62 in Colombia, a region infested with landmines, drug traffickers, the Colombian guerilla movement FARC, paramillitaries, a recent outbreak of equestrian encephalitis, denge fever, malaria, and it is actually illegal to cross. I face the prospect of being jailed when I enter into Colombia, that is if the Panamanian police allow me to walk beyond Boca de Cupe. 10 FARC soldiers have been killed in Panamanian raids over the last 2 months, increasing tensions, and there is more…rainy season, food, drinkable water, money (should I carry it?), most important: coming back to my children…and the list goes on.
Yet, what if this is all in my mind, all in my thinking that is stopping me from making this next leap of faith? Is taking this next step be an unnecessary thing? Why don’t I just go to Cartegena in Colombia and make up distance that I would have walked had I crossed the Darien.
All these issues and more, unresolved at the moment, my fears keeping me paralyzed and not able to move from Panama City, where I am working, raising money to purchase the things I need to make this crossing safely and successfully, utimately knowing in my heart that all it takes is to get off the couch to produce what has never been done before, to break the patterns of always the same happening over and over…to face what is uncomfortable in my life without the fear that stops me.
Sending out a special thanks to Mikki and Nadia at Elevate films for all they do. Their life and those at Elevate committed to others always. Thank you.
